My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
