I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
