His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
