She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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