It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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