using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
