I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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