What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The power of my boobs compel you
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
