So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
