If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
