I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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