Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
