i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
