someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
