Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
