when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
