I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
