and i looked up. we had an audience...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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