True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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