Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
