i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
