pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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