turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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