God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
