Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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