I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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