I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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