so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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