i need an iv and a liver transplant
We need to rekindle our bromance
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
