is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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