I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
