Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
