Got a toothbrush?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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