On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
