oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
