I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
