we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
