My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
