Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
