If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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