Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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