I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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