have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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