So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
