She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
