Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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