I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Mom said you looked used
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
