I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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