i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
