wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
