Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
