I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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