he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I will pee on everything he values.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
