I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
